First, you don’t want your message to trigger fear alarms. And second, you want to make sure it gets recognized as something positive, unexpected, and out of the ordinary—a pleasant novelty. (Location 224)
simple, clear, nonthreatening, and above all, intriguing and novel. You need to communicate in these ways, or you are never going to capture people’s attention. (Location 228)
“Look, I only want to know two things from you. What are monthly expenses, and how much are you paying yourself?” (Location 284)
If your frame wins, you will enjoy frame control, where your ideas are accepted (and followed) by the others. But if your frame loses, though, you will be at the mercy of your customer, and your success will depend on that customer’s charity. (Location 310)
In fact, as you will soon see, the less you say, the more effective you will be. (Location 314)
All you can do then is fight for survival by fast talking, spin selling, trial closing, and a myriad of equally ineffective and annoying tactics that signal to the customer that you are needy and desperate—and defeated. (Location 322)
If you have to explain your authority, power, position, leverage, and advantage, you do not hold the stronger frame. (Location 370)
Every social interaction is a collision of frames, and the stronger frame always wins. Frame collisions are primal. They freeze out the neocortex and bring the crocodile brain in to make decisions and determine actions. (Location 378)
When you abide by the rituals of power instead of establishing your own, you reinforce the opposing power frame. (Location 443)
When you are defiant and funny at the same time, he is pleasantly challenged by you and instinctively knows that he is in the presence of a pro. (Location 482)
“So you guys are asking me to delay the start? Okay. I can give you 15 minutes to get organized. But if we can’t start by then, then let’s just call it a day.” (Location 506)
“Can you tell me more about yourself? I’m picky about who I work with.” At a primal, croc brain level, you have just issued a challenge: Why do I want to do business with you? (Location 533)
When you are reacting to the other person, that person owns the frame. When the other person is reacting to what you do and say, you own the frame. (Location 653)
“The revenue is $80 million, expenses are $62 million, the net is $18 million. These and other facts you can verify later, but right now, what we need to focus on is this: Are we a good fit? Should we be doing business together? This is what I come here to work on.” (Location 697)
incorrectly. You don’t earn status by being polite, by obeying the established power rituals of business, or by engaging in friendly small talk before a meeting starts. What these behaviors might earn you is a reputation for being “nice.” They do nothing for your social position—except reduce it. (Location 904)
People will judge your social status almost immediately, and changing their perception is not easy. But it’s important because your social status is the platform from which you must pitch. (Location 918)
Then, after ostracizing me, Benoit swooped in, using his superior domain knowledge, and made me look like a fool. He then quickly rescued me from a “mistake” he had allowed me to make. (Location 973)
I’m rich, I’m powerful, fear me, revere me. I knew what this was. (Location 1155)
To keep my frame strong, after the apple thing, I just ignored anything that didn’t advance the pitch. (Location 1200)
advances to (Location 1208)
Have fun. Be popular. Enjoy your work. There is nothing as attractive as someone who is enjoying what he or she does. It attracts the group to you and allows you to build stronger frames and hold them longer. (Location 1223)
Just remember, this process is geared to build and seize situational status, which is temporary. Once you leave the social encounter, it’s wiped out. Gone. And if you come back later, you’ll have to start over and build it again. Even if that’s only five minutes later. (Location 1228)
I may say something like, “Remind me again why in the world I want to do business with you?” (Location 1250)
When you have a working theory of mind, you are able to understand how thoughts, desires, and intentions of others cause them to act. When someone can only see a situation one way, their (Location 1469)
PUSH: “Based on the couple of reactions I’m getting from you—it seems like this isn’t a good fit. I think that you should only do deals where there is trust and deals you strongly believe in. So let’s just wrap this up for now and agree to get together on the next one.” [Pause. Wait for a response. Start packing up your stuff. Be willing to leave if the target doesn’t stop you.] (Location 1582)
I was afraid to do anything that might upset the target in any way. Sure, when you and the target are each nodding in happy agreement, it feels great in the moment. You think to yourself, it’s a lovefest. (Location 1621)
The target knows the essentials: who you are, why this idea is important, how it works, what the “secret sauce” is—and what the target gets when he or she (Location 1704)
Now you have about five minutes left to propose something concrete and actionable—something so compelling that it will cause your target to chase you to get what you have. (Location 1706)
Here’s the intrigue frame I used recently in a situation where I had given the pitch, offered up the deal, but, before I could blink, was getting hammered with technical questions: (Location 1814)
People like to hear stories about interesting and slightly eccentric characters. (Location 1818)
Who is this mystery man, Joshua, and how do we meet him? This works because it is not about what happened. That’s actually a boring story. (Location 1830)
No one is seriously going to go into business with you until they know something about how you conduct yourself in tough situations. And it’s no use telling anyone, “I’m a good person.” (Location 1836)
The actors helped convey this feeling by maintaining poise in pressure situations. They never got flustered, even with the bad guys closing in. (Location 2216)
don’t need these people; they need me. I am the prize. (Location 2227)
Now it was my turn to be the stone-faced gnome. I just sat there, with no trace of validation-seeking behavior, no neediness, waiting for them to react to me. (Location 2242)
I’d redeemed myself with a great opening and finished the pitch with confidence and poise, and the whole thing come together perfectly. (Location 2244)
Why now, why us, critical path, upside, downside, and competitive advantage. (Location 2307)