I’m defining power as the ability to chart your own professional course rather than having this direction dictated to you by forces beyond your control. (Location 114)
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One hedge fund CEO I worked with, who is a self-identified Pleaser, consistently drew on his diplomatic skills to hold his firm together when a war broke out between the seed investors and the managing partners of his growing investment firm. (Location 441)
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It’s worth noting that Charmers can also be topflight negotiators, but Charmers often try to shape the presentation of the facts to suit their own ends. (Location 444)
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Bottom line: they are able to advocate for everyone but themselves. Remember, Pleasers were conditioned early in life to support others while asking little for themselves. (Location 460)
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Managers, who are trained to keep costs low any way possible, can often spot a Pleaser a mile away. Some hiring managers have actually told me that they count on the fact that Pleasers will accept less compensation than their colleagues as long as they are promised that things will be better in the future. (Location 462)
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The tendency to shy away from unpleasant topics also makes Pleasers easy to pass over for promotion. When (Location 466)
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What’s worse, managers have told me that during a performance discussion, it’s easier to placate a Pleaser, who will slink back to their desk thinking they just need to try harder, than it is to square off with a more aggressive employee who may demand a detailed explanation for why they were not advanced. (Location 469)
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The highly diplomatic Pleaser is usually trying to deal with the facts so that everyone can strike a fair compromise. (Location 483)
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Pleasers need to take care that their loyalty isn’t driving them to produce results for others at their own expense. (Location 511)
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The family system of a Pleaser is frequently characterized by parents whose behavior signals to the young Pleaser that there is something else more important than they are. (Location 538)
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Pleasers often adapt by trying to emulate adult behavior in an attempt to merit the time and attention of their caregivers. (Location 544)
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According to Arnett’s findings, an adult is rather someone who has mastered the inner tasks of accepting responsibility and making independent decisions. (Location 548)
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Other Pleasers, who grew up with parents who were preoccupied with financial stress, often confess that making money is their top priority. (Location 564)
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For example, Pleasers often report making important career moves because their boss asked them to do so “for the good of the firm.” (Location 568)
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The challenge for the Pleaser is to break out of the scarcity mind-set so that they learn to value themselves from within and balance their calling to support others with a commitment to achieving their own goals. (Location 590)
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I’ve seen Pleasers, eager to help others, make hasty decisions. They may jump into business with a buddy from college, offer to “audition” for organizations that want them to work for free, (Location 598)
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Resentment is the number one energy drain for hardworking Pleasers who have fallen into the trap of giving more than they get on a consistent basis. (Location 603)
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His natural Pleaser tendencies caused him to withdraw from overtly volatile situations where he himself was under attack. (Location 640)
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Being criticized in front of this senior audience brought one of his greatest fears to life. John subsequently missed several days of work due to emotional stress. (Location 645)
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Like many bullies, they had learned early in life that if you can intimidate people, they will stop asking questions. (Location 650)
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Pleaser blind spot of personalizing professional criticism. Once John started to realize that the way others were responding to his findings had more to do with their insecurities than with his delivery, he started to get back on track professionally. (Location 653)
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Pleasers should never underestimate how critical image is to keeping their staff in line. (Location 702)
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his dedication to being a “nice guy” wasn’t giving them what they needed to feel hopeful in a contracting economy. While nobody wanted this chairman to be mean spirited, throughout the firm employees confessed that they longed for a “wartime” CEO who gave them a sense that someone decisive was at the helm. (Location 704)
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While the Charmer’s ability to become clinically unsentimental about the prospects for a business venture can be chilling, their thought process tends to be so thorough that it’s worth the drop in temperature. (Location 940)
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Charmers are so driven to best their colleagues and produce superior results that many of them will go to extremes to avoid looking within to analyze why they run as hard as they (Location 992)
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Charmers may create big, complex deals and start juggling way too many balls at once in an effort to accelerate their momentum. (Location 996)
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One Charmer told me that, in his opinion, “great salespeople never stop selling.” Charmers with this attitude often end up juggling so many balls that the line between their professional (Location 999)
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In the sports industry, he was a revenue-producing asset to his franchise. On the inside, he was in full flight from the childhood trauma of battling with an abusive, alcoholic father. (Location 1007)
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Many Charmers have learned to have more faith in their own judgment than they did in their caregivers. Later in life, these Charmers may become conditioned to value their own intellect and opinion over the advice of their managers and/or the prevailing wisdom of their group. This attitude reinforces the Charmer’s tendency to operate as a lone wolf. When they isolate (Location 1016)
Nobody fears being manipulated more than a master manipulator. Because of this, Charmers have difficulty trusting others, and when others sense this, they have difficulty trusting the Charmer in return. (Location 1025)
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His blind spot came into play when he avoided discussing his plans with his subordinates and adopted a cold and withdrawn management style so that he wouldn’t be emotionally swayed by the American “cowboys” who reported to him. (Location 1030)
It turned out that Yoon was only able to create his impressive revenue numbers by strategically downsizing and ruthlessly managing his department. (Location 1036)
While they are largely driven by fear and have trouble trusting others, this in no way means they are bad people. They simply see life, and business, as a game where if they don’t win—they lose. (Location 1041)
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classic Charmer is a lone wolf who has often been raised in a system where people operate behind each other’s backs effortlessly, elegantly, and automatically. (Location 1047)
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An ongoing need to emotionally soothe a troubled caregiver gradually erodes the child’s respect for formal authority. This lack of respect for authority is the foundation of the trust issues that emerge later in life when the Charmer enters the workforce. (Location 1064)
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tend to blossom into seductive talents. When this happens, Charmers begin to develop a taste for conditioning others to comply with them. Whether their strengths are intellectual, social, or even physical, once Charmers feel the rush of power over others—they want more. (Location 1073)
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This is because, ironically, the Charmer isn’t as worried about financial security as people from other quadrants tend to be (the Charmer learned early in the game that nothing in life is too secure). (Location 1080)
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Job transitions often produce less anxiety for Charmers than they do for Pleasers and Commanders because, deep down, Charmers know that they have an edge when it comes to selling themselves. What’s more, since they have a tendency to always be on the lookout for a bigger and better (Location 1083)
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Because they are consummate spin doctors, Charmers need to make sure that they don’t oversell (Location 1086)
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they tend to focus on hiding their shortcomings rather than on accessing the training and feedback they need to rise to the challenge responsibly. (Location 1089)
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The only problem was that Edward knew virtually nothing about running money. He couldn’t even distinguish between value and growth as investment styles. (Location 1092)
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Like many Charmers, Amy put most of her energy into impressing management on the job. She was so focused on her male bosses that she could tell you where they liked to dine, what they did for recreation, and even what their favorite colors were. In contrast, one year she actually forgot her husband’s birthday. (Location 1123)
People who work alongside Charmers can find them to be capricious and impulsive, and Amy was no exception. (Location 1133)
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Other times, with little warning, the storm clouds would gather in Amy’s inner world, and she would become vindictive and judgmental over some imagined slight. (Location 1136)
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Charmers are often plagued with unresolved feelings because they were never really able to be children emotionally during childhood. (Location 1138)
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These hidden feelings, which many Charmers strive to suppress through achievement and nonstop business, can bubble up unexpectedly whenever the Charmer feels threatened. (Location 1140)
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Pleasers and Commanders in particular may feel envious when the Charmer seems to bend the rules and jump to the head of the class. (Location 1175)
The focus is on who’s winning, who’s losing, and where the latest tally of cash and prizes stands. (Location 1183)
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One of the Charmer’s greatest gifts is the ability to shape other people’s perceptions of reality—from peers and colleagues to their top managers. (Location 1186)
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If they decide what they want is to improve their operating style with others, they often become dramatic success stories. (Location 1192)
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Charmers wise enough to keep others involved learn that sharing credit doesn’t dilute their victory when they place their bets wisely. In fact, it magnifies everyone’s enthusiasm. (Location 1212)
Charmers often operate with a hidden agenda. For some, this agenda is so covert that they even manage to hide it from themselves. (Location 1234)
Bonnie got rather annoyed when Toni kept nagging her about expenses all the time. (Never forget how committed Charmers can be about deflecting attention from what they’d prefer not to face in their organizations and in themselves.) (Location 1245)
As she scrambled to regroup, Bonnie hired a coach. Her powers of persuasion and survival skills were stretched to the limit as she fought to keep her job. (Location 1256)
This is particularly tough for Charmers, who, as we know, often prefer to go it alone. However, when Bonnie had a frank talk with the remaining staff about how and why she needed their support, they rallied. When some of the staff members made it clear to her that they were supporting the organization and that she was on probation with them, (Location 1264)
Charmers, particularly those whose ambition is fueled by the need to distract themselves from uncomfortable feelings, can find a myriad of formal and informal ways to compete with their peers. (Location 1280)
This undercurrent of tension can become particularly acute when the Charmer feels that a colleague may be besting them in some way. (Location 1283)
Charmers must remember that they don’t have the leverage in the workplace to emotionally manipulate their peers that they may have had with a needy parent. (Location 1294)
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However, the image the Charmer projects often rests largely on personal mystique, while the image of the Commander has often been more patiently established to ensure that the full force of the system rests behind it. (Location 1299)
This can be a challenge for Charmers who feel compelled to manage others’ perceptions of them as carefully as possible. (Location 1305)
Rules are merely suggestions for the Charmer who secretly thinks he or she is smarter than the rule makers. If their caregivers were ineffective disciplinarians, the Charmer may have been set up to fail later in life. (Location 1357)
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above the comfort zone of those Charmers who learned in childhood to manipulate authority figures and bend the rules to suit themselves. (Location 1367)
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Charmers, who are often loners at heart, long for a job where they can operate as autonomously as possible. (Location 1390)
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While Charmers don’t trust easily, they often have an inner circle of family and close friends in their lives who they rely on consistently. (Location 1399)